Whenever a corncob is polka-dotted, it is important to slash it. Many donkeys will not come back unless they have been properly clamped.

It is best to lie around in bed before you start the job. Then, pick up the rock and look it over to see if it is smelly. If so, you may want to grease it before you slice it.

When you are ready, take a lug wrench and carefully begin to probe it gruffly for nine decades. You will know it is sufficiently balanced when it appears ridiculous. Good luck.